No.1 The Chat Room
No.2 The alphabet
No.1 The Chat Room
During my many alcohol fuelled ventures surfing the web into the small hours, I have had the great misfortune of venturing into 'the chat room !
For the newcomer , these rooms generally consist of either groups of prepubescent Americans , who's only attempt at intelligent conversation seems to be 'a/s/l' or 'do you do it doggie style big boy ?' or even worse, the enthusiasts who can spend hours discussing the merits of 'beanie babies' or the benefits of using desalinated water in the development of 'the Japanese farting fish'
Don't get me wrong, I know the 'net' is the perfect portal for escapism, but I'm sure you'll agree that the 'Pee Wee Herman look alike with chronic acne and halitosis calling himself 'Studboy69' and describing himself as a double of Arnold Schwarzenneger does stretch the bounds of imagination. but what astounds me is why someone creating their own room and calling it 'Ukranian bearded lesbians against the zebra mollusc' can sit there for hours speculating on why nobody wants to join them !
Just to add to the experience we also have 'Acronyms' and those inane little groups of punctuation marks known as 'Emoticons' ,maybe I'm shallow, but I find it difficult to believe that a coma followed by an asterisk and a question mark can express any emotion other than frustration at not being able to hit the right keys because of alcohol induced incoherence.
I have developed some of my own 'Acronyms that i find particularly useful
" I.W.L.T.S.A.C.B.T.A.V.O.G.G.I.G.T.S "
" I.W.L.T.S.A.C.B.T.A.V.O.P.D.I.G.T.S "
' As above but substitute 'paint drying '
" H.Y.A.I.C.I.M.N.S "
' Honestly you are interesting , comatose is my natural state. '
'Yes I have a pic but I keep it on the mantlepiece to keep the kids away from the fire'
' And what makes you think I wouldn't want to stay and chat with you all ni...ZZZZZZZzzzzzz
No.2 The AlphabetWhat can I say about the alphabet I hear you say (metaphorically of course) it's a sequence of 26 letters that help us to build words, sentences and ultimately a language. Ok we're all agreed on that, the confusion seems to arise with the sequence of those letters. From my schooling, albeit from a long time ago and a school that had 'Omnia per ardua' as its motto, which roughly translates to 'Please give generously', The general sequence used to be 'A' through to 'Z' passing through 'D' 'K' and 'R' to name a few, along the way. So why have the internet powers that be decided to change this sequence so that 'U' appears before anything else. Still confused ? Ever filled out a form on the net only to get to 'country' to find that 'United States' appears at the top of the list before the likes of lowly Afghanistan, Angola or even Azerbaijan who's only claim to fame is being high up on alpahbetical listings. Could it be that the majority rule ? or is it a nation that feels the need to dominate, to change to their own preference? even to a point where they have to simplify and modify a complex, descriptive language that has stood the test of time for hundreds of years.
Whilst i'm on the subject, why has holiday become vacation, lift become elevator, flat become apartment and even such words of latin derivation such as tap (from the latin 'Tappus Drippus') become faucet ? where's the 'w' in Jaguar ? why is 'Monty Python' pronounced 'Monnny Pythorn' why are crisps chips and vica versa. Dont get me wrong I'm not criticising our Trans-Atlantic neighbours how can I when they've given us such things as - Uhmmmmmmmm...... I'll come back to that. Oh yes, Little Jimmy Osmond and the Ku Klux Klan to name but a few. .
On that note I'll end these rantings, oh ! just one other thing, 'The World Series' whats all that about then ?
If you would like to make any suggestions or comments about this page, feel free to do so.
You never know if I have nothing better to do I may even read them.................